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Funny Basketball Quotes...

source: www.dfw.net/~patricia/nba-daily-humor

2002-03

Clifford Robinson (Det) on his Celebriduck giveaway (and duck's body and player's likeness for the face with a beak): "Look what they've reduced me to - a duck. It's not something that's going to end up on my collectible shelf. I would much rather be a big-head bobble-head than a whack quack."

Cleveland coach John Lucas one what he wrote on the board: "I put Phil Jackson's name up there, along with Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal. I told them, 'You guys probably want Phil Jackson. I probably want these guys. What we have is each other.'"

Minnesota GM Kevin McHale on Kevin Garnett's tirade in an ESPN Magazine interview: "Look, guys say a lot of things and I don't put too much credence in it. Maybe they got him on a day when his milk was too warm for his Coco Puffs."


2001-02

5/21 Jason Kidd (NJ) on the 177 field goal attempts and 107 field goals missed during Tuesday's NJ-Bos game: "It wasn't a shootout. More like we were building a house. Both teams."

Sgt. Kirk Hartwell, who arrested Kwame Brown (Was) for going 120 mph in a 60 mph construction zone: "He just kept saying 'Michael Jordan is going to kill me.'"

3/7 Ref Luis Grillo on calling a foul on Popeye Jones during a Was-Mem game: "54 is dancing with Battier!"

2/22 The LA Clippers placed Corey Maggette on IR with dislocated ring and little fingers on his right hand. Maggette suffered the injury when he pounded the scorer's table in frustration.

Don Nelson on Dirk Nowitzki's new crew cut: "I didn't know he was that ugly. I thought he was a pretty good looking fella when he had hair, but, oh my goodness, did that bring out all his bad features or what. He's going to be single all the rest of his life!"

David Robinson (SA) after Clifford Robinson (Det) went 1-5 FG in a Det-SA game: "I hate to do it, but I have to give Steve Smith some credit for his defense. Steve did a nice job of yelling for help every time Cliff got the ball."

Scott Skiles (Pho coach), who has been practicing with his team, on the possibility of returning to play: "My problem would not be, 'Can I play in the game?' It would be, 'Can I get up the next morning?' That's one of the reasons I stopped playing. I got tired of crawling to the breakfast table the next morning."

12/8 We have a candidate for this year's most bizarre injury. Dirk Nowitzki (Dal) suffered a strained tendon in his left ankle putting on his shoe. The injury occurred when Nowitzki had put his left shoe on and stomped his foot before tying his shoe to make sure it was all the way on and strained the tendon with the stomp. He missed the Washington game that night due to the injury.

Doug Collins (Was) on his plan to reduce his rotation from 12 to 8 players: "It's like lard. It's shortening."

(a college one, but made me laugh) Baylor coach Dave Bliss on coaching the emotional and occasionally erratic Wendell Greenleaf: "It's like being a state trooper. There's lots of boredom with moments of sheer terror."

10/7 Kenyon Martin (NJ) on his improved conditioning and confidence: "Trust me, it's 360 from where it was." [Martin will get along great with new teammate Jason Kidd, who as a rookie with Dallas told the press that they were going to turn the team around 360 degrees - a sadly accurate prediction.]

10/7 David Robinson (SA) on Avery Johnson no longer being with the Spurs: "It's strange not having Avery. You get used to hearing that voice all the time."


2000-01

5/1 Olden Polynice (Uta) on Dallas' 107-77 win: "Coach told us, 'Don't get into a track meet.' We got into a track meet with Marion Jones and Carl Lewis - and we're running like Bill Cosby."

3/9 Kevin Garnet (Min) on Miami's defense: "They're really aggressive. They're like roaches on bread - you drop some on the floor and, boom, they're on it."

Dikembe Mutombo (Atl) on his technical for wagging his finger after a block: "I can not do the finger wave to the guy after I block a shot, I have to do it to the crowd. I did it to the crowd, but the referee said there was a bench in front of the crowd."

1/17 Dale Davis (Por) missed Tuesday's game due to a strained back muscle. He reportedly strained his back when he got out of bed the wrong way. Talk about a day you should have stayed in bed.

1/17 Kevin Garnett (Min): "I'm like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. If I'm not ready, the sled isn't going to go."

1/17 Say what? Lenny Wilkens (Tor) on possibly winning the Central division title: "Don't get caught looking at the apple in case someone takes the ladder away."

1/12 The NBA fined Mark Cuban (Dal owner) $100,000 for "decorum not becoming an NBA owner" for sitting on the floor along the baseline during Wednesday's Dal-Min game.

Ron Mercer on Chicago: "The majority of time, it seems to be one thing or the other."

10/13 Detroit, in trying to generate some toughness, was bring their starters through a row of chest-bumping teammates during introductions. Friday night, Eric Montross came down the line, got a chest bump from a teammate, and fell down.

Christian Laettner on a reported fight on an airplane between him and then teammate Jerry Stackhouse (from rival UNC and came out of school early): "It wasn't a fight. He punched me one time, that's all. I don't fight at 30,000 feet. I have an education."

At the news conference introducing Alvin Gentry as new coach of the LA Clippers

Question: Didn't you have any friends warning you not to take the job with the Clippers?

Gentry: They all encouraged me to take the job.

Question: You don't have any friends, do you?

 


1999-00

Charles Barkley on teammate Cuttino Mobley: "He's instant offense, on both ends of the floor, I might add."

Alonzo Mourning on winning the Defensive Player of the Year award: "I thank my teammates for letting their men blow by them."

Mikki Moore [unintentionally explaining Detroit's troubles this season]: "We have to play hard for the full 40 minutes." Informed a game goes for 48 minutes: "48? Oh, that's right. 12-minute quarters."

David Robinson on watching San Antonio's comeback win over Portland from the locker room after he was ejected with 3 minutes left and San Antonio down by 7 points: "I felt like I didn't have a date on New Year's Eve. I was jumping around by myself in here."

The leading candidate for this season's most bizarre injury: Muggsy Bogues (Tor) missed the 2nd half of Monday's Por-Tor game because he accidentally inhaled a muscle ointment during a halftime treatment and he then complained about dizziness. Bogues: "Never happened to me before and I hope it never happens again. That was one of those fluke things you don't even dream about."

Joe Kleine on playing another season: "It's pretty simple. I was sitting at home at the end of August and somebody called me up and said, 'Who wants to be a millionaire?' I said, 'I do.' And they said, 'Is that your final answer?' I said, 'Let me call my lifeline.' So I called Dana [his wife] and she said, 'If you don't take it, I'll kill you.'"

Kevin McHale: "If a nuclear bomb dropped on earth, two things would survive: roaches and David Falk."

1/5 Doc Rivers (Orl) after Wednesday's Orl-Van win: "Winning is like deodorant - it comes up and a lot of things don't stink."

12/8 Charles Barkley (Hou) at the start of the press conference following his career ending injury where he ruptured the quadriceps tendon in his left knee in the Phi-Hou game: "Well guys, I guess that sex is definitely out of the question tonight."

Charles Barkley on his thoughts about retiring before the season: "I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'"

Will Perdue on continuing Phil Jackson's handing out books to players and on the books Perdue handed out to the young Bulls: "books with all pictures in them. That makes things a little easier. We have enough trouble learning the offense right now. We don't need these guys thinking deep inner thoughts."

Coaches will now be subject to testing for drugs during training camp. That includes performance enhancing substances. Asked one unnamed coach: "Does that include Viagra?"


1998-99

Avery Johnson on coach Gregg Popovich trying to calm him down: "I tell Pop it's better to tame a lion than it is to pump up a pussycat."

Shaquille O'Neal on the Lakers: "If the popcorn gets hot at the right time, then it's good enough to eat. Right now, the popcorn is still a little brown seed."

4/10 Only in a Golden State-Dallas game can you have one of the boneheadest plays ever topped by an even more boneheaded play. When I saw it live, I was completely confused as to what had just happened (they never showed a replay in the arena). I knew that something _very_ wrong had just happened, but my brain couldn't accept what it was. My confusion greatly increased when Golden State inbounded the ball and headed the other way down the court. A few minutes into the 4th quarter, Robert Pack and Terry Cummings had a jump ball at the Mavs' end of the court. Chris Mills got the ball and went for the layup, but Samaki Walker came over and blocked the ball and the refs called a foul on Walker. Of course, Mills was shooting at the Mavs' basket. The refs huddled to figure out how to handle the call. P.J. Carlesimo wanted it to be a shooting foul, but gave up that argument when the ref responded with okay, but Mills had to shoot at the Mavs' basket. It ended up being a non-shooting foul with Golden State inbounding the ball on the side. Mills was able to laugh about it after the game and Walker wouldn't talk to the media about it. Walker got razzed by his teammates when he returned to the bench at the next timeout. The irony of the whole thing was that Dallas lost by 1 point.

4/12 There have been a couple of humorous injuries/illnesses that have kept players out of games this season [chicken pox (Muggsy Bogues), tonsillitis (Corey Benjamin), turf toe (Rex Chapman)], but the listing in last night's Denver-Golden State game of "McRae DNP - fainted" caught my eye and I had to find out the story. So, I give you this year's winner of the most bizarre injury. Conrad McRae, who Denver signed to a 10-day contract on Friday, was unaccustomed to the thin air in the high altitude of Denver and over did his pre-game sprinting and fainted. He was treated by paramedics and did not play in the game for precautionary reasons. [My debate about whether or not to remove this resulted in my leaving this and adding a reality check note. McRae's fainting caused Denver's medical staff to evaluate him further and discovered that he had a heart condition and advised him that he should not play basketball again. He ignored that advice and died in June 2000 during a basketball practice.]

Jayson Williams on Dominique Wilkins' performance on March 30 where he scored 17 points in 13 minutes in Orlando's 100-98 win over New Jersey: "He came in and got 13 shots in 13 minutes. It takes me 3 weeks to get 13 shots."

Kevin McHale on the Stephon Marbury trade and Marbury's agent David Falk: "When [Falk] said, 'I'm going to help you,' that's when I knew we were in trouble. When an agent says those 5 words, cover your wallet and run like hell.

Bison Dele on not wanting to talk after Detroit's loss to Toronto: "We're modern day gladiators. I don't recall anybody ever interviewing losing gladiators." Reporter: "That's because they were dead." Dele: "My point exactly."

Pat Riley, well know for his attempts to motivate his team, once while with the Lakers tried to to throw a chair, only to find that it weighed more than he hought and he was only able to move it a few feet. Kurt Rambis: "That might have motivated me after I was done laughing."

Kurt Rambis on his new coaching job: "I'm spending more time with reporters than I do my wife."

Jayson Williams (NJ) on coach John Calipri and the Nets recent struggles: "We have to get him looking like Fonzie again. He's starting to look like Mr. C."

Agent Keith Glass on how the new collective bargaining agreement will affect agents: "We're like rats; we adapt."


1997-98

Nick Van Exel (LAL) on defending the Stockton-Malone pick-and-roll: "Yeah, I got a way to defend it. Bring a bat to the game and kill one of them."

Brian Williams when asked if Detroit could bounce back from two tough losses: "We don't bounce anymore. We just splat."

Coach Bill Hanzlik on Denver's 10th victory, avoiding NBA futility: "It doesn't mean we get to cut down the nets. But we don't have to cut our own throats."

Ref Joey Crawford calling a foul on Stokjo Vrankovic (LAC): "Loose ball foul on whatever the hell his name is."

Erick Strickland (Dal) when asked how things were going with the Mavs: "Like we've just finished five rounds in the ring with Mike Tyson."

Brian Williams (Det) on Isiah Thomas: "Light travels faster than sound, so some people appear to be bright until you hear them speak."

2/18 Sam Cassell on a 114-104 New Jersey loss to Atlanta: "We really didn't deserve to win. They didn't either. It should have been a tie."

Todd Fuller (GS), who is taking flying lessons to get a pilot's license: "All of a sudden, there's this loud noise outside the cabin. I'm thinking, 'Oh my gosh, the wing's fixing to fall off.' We landed at the nearest airport. My instructor got out and we found out it was just the end of my seatbelt. I had closed my door on it and it was slapping against the fuselage."

2/2 Phil Jackson on Chicago's 111-72 win over Denver: "I thought the national anthem was the highlight out there."

1/20 Utah PA announcer Dan Roberts: "Not dressed tonight due to pregnancy is Adam Keefe." Keefe's wife gave birth to twins.

Toronto (4-26) coach Darrell Walker's New Year's resolution: "Not to kill myself."

Detroit assistant coach Alvin Gentry wanted to see if any of his players actually read his pregame chalkboard, so he wrote "First one to trainer's room, $100," and waited. It took 11 minutes before rookie Scot Pollard approached him for the money.

12/7 Reggie Miller (Ind) on his game winning shot vs Phoenix: "It was so quiet you could hear a rat pee on cotton."

11/11 Michael Finley (Dal) on the Mavs' lost to the Lakers: "Some nights you're the Louisville Slugger and some nights you're the ball. Tonight, we were definitely the ball. We got hit, and we got hit hard."

Larry Johnson (NY) after New York's season opening win against Charlotte October 31: "I think this is the best game we played all year."

Rick Pitino on coaching the Celtics this year: "I think challenges keep you forever young. And I've discovered the fountain of youth. I'm Peter Pan with this one.

10/22 Avery Johnson (SA) on NBA ref Violet Palmer: "Nobody in their right mind is going to say anything to her because you know the NBA will fine you." When someone noted that Charles Barkley had already made disparaging remarks about the female refs, Johnson responded, "I said nobody in their right mind."

Marko Milic (Phi): "Who is Ben Franklin? I sure do see his name a lot around here."

Malik Sealy, who played the past 3 seasons with the Clippers, on signing with Detroit: "I'm happy to be here. It's great to be back in the NBA."

Sgt. John Edmundson on Shawn Kemp's car accident where Kemp hit a fire hydrant and a stop sign: "There was no evidence of him being under the influence. And we won't charge him with murder for killing the hydrant."


1996-97

Scottie Pippen when asked which team has the ugliest uniform: "Flip a coin between Atlanta and Houston and hope it doesn't come down."

Jim Cleamons: "Like I told the team at halftime, Stevie Wonder, Roy Orbison and Ray Charles could have hit some of those shots - or at least come close. We acted like 12 people who were dropped down from outer space, put uniforms on and played like we had never seen one another before."

Jim Durham, in his usual punny way [he does Mavs broadcasts], had Reggie Theus cracking up with his reply to Theus' comment that Karl Malone was talking to the ball prior to a free throw shot to try to help his poor free throw shooting: "Maybe he's just trying to put some English on it."


1995-96

On the lighter side (and especially for those who gave me a hard time for mis-expanding NB into Nebraska): When asked how many provinces there are in Canada, Tony Massenburg (Tor) asked back: "What's a province?"

The LA Lakers re-signed Superman Kurt Rambis to up their training camp rosters to 14. Rambis: "I didn't have any speed, quickness or jumping ability to begin with, so I haven't lost any of that. We didn't have enough players in camp. We didn't have the numbers; we needed an extra body. So, an old, decrepit, burned-out, washed-out, has-been body was better than no body.''

11/3 Doc Rivers, a good friend of Terry Davis', drew an offensive foul by flopping to the floor. Terry, humorously, grabbed Rivers by the jersey. That's when he got the T. Terry said to Rivers, "Doc, tell him we're friends." Rivers answered, "Nah. I don't know what they're doing, but we need the point."

Jason Kidd, who was assigned to guard Reggie Miller for a bit after Jim Jackson allowed Miller to get several layups early in the Ind-Dal game: "Reggie asked me what I was doing. I said, 'I'm chasing you.'"

Joe Kleine (Pho): "Charles [Barkley] and I have no-trade clauses. His is written in. Mine, well, nobody wants to trade for me."

Dallas radio play-by-play announcer Ted Davis: "[LAC Stanley] Roberts slipped and fell. Is there a dent in the floor?"

Dallas PA announcer Kevin McCarthy, who recently had surgery on a reoccurring inner ear problem that he has had surgery on before: "Now I know why they call it the _practice_ of medicine. They don't call it the practice of basketball or the practice of broadcasting."

Dick Motta on why he doesn't wear his championship ring (77-78 with Washington): "It's too big. Every time I pick my nose it draws too much attention."

With three of their big men out injured (Popeye Jones, Cherokee Parks, and Terry Davis), Dallas has been playing a run-and-gun game for the past two games. As a result, the team has set the NBA record for 3-pointers made (18 vs Den) and 3-pointers attempted (44 vs Van). Instead of running the usual layup drill before the Vancouver game and during halftime, the team ran a 3-point drill. With the enhanced shooters' mentality, several players have taken on new nicknames: George "The Duke" McCloud, Jason "Doc Holiday" Kidd, Jim "Wyatt Earp" Jackson, Tony "Billy the Kid" Dumas, and Lucious "Clint Eastwood" Harris.


1994-95

7/2 Michael Jordan in response to the current rumors that he will return to basketball next year: "I just don't like to say never; I don't like to close doors - but if you want me to say it: OK - never. I will never play basketball again, except recreationally."

9/31 There was some hangup about the contract - there usually was when it came to Kevin Willis - and Atlanta president Stan Kasten figured he had taken care of his end.

"Have you talked to Keith or Robert?" Kasten asked Willis.

Those two men, Kasten believed, represented Willis. They also

were Willis' brothers. He had spoken to them many times, all by phone.

"You mean Robert Keith?" Willis said.

"Robert. Keith. Either one," Kasten said.

"There's only one," Willis said.

Kasten was stupefied. Only then, some two years into Willis' contract and after umpteen conversations with what he thought were two different people, did Kasten finally learn that Robert and Keith were the same person.

Willis now has a different agent. Although Kasten still has occasional contractual troubles with Willis, it is nothing compared with the days of Robert Keith. Or was it Keith Robert. Kasten still isn't sure.

11/8 Sean Rooks on his trade to Minnesota for a 1st round draft pick: "Last Year, I was a trade rumor all year. It seemed like they practically wanted to give me away for doggy biscuits. So this is kind of nice."

Dick Motta prior to last Saturday's pre-season game where he planned (and did) to play all 18 players: "It'll be a Chinese fire drill. It'll be horrible."

"I thought in overtime you got another foul." Coach John Lucas (Phi) on trying to send Shawn Bradley, who had fouled out in the 4th quarter, into an overtime game against New York.

Former Clipper coach and current Seattle assistant coach Bob Weiss: "I never got a California driver's license. If I ever got stopped, I was going to tell the cop, 'I'm the Clippers coach. I'm not going to be here that long."

Danny Schayes (Pho) when asked if he was pumped to play the LA Lakers, one of his four former NBA teams: "If I worried about all the teams I used to play for, I wouldn't get any sleep." 15 of Phoenix's games this season involves Schayes' old teams.

Dallas coach Dick Motta on his first year as an NBA coach with the Chicago Bulls (68-69): "We were for sale. We didn't know if we were going to be the Toronto Bulls or the LA Bulls. They offered to sell the ballclub to me and the team. They bought it for $1.2 million. They offered to sell it to us for $600,000. They would carry the loan, no interest. But I wouldn't have touched it with a 10-foot pole." On the announced crowd of 891 at Chicago Stadium on November 7, 1968: "We padded that. That night, we actually had about 60 people there. After that, Walter Kennedy's (NBA commissioner) instructions to us were, 'There are always at least 1,000 people at every game.'"

Shaquille O'Neal (Orl) on Dennis Rodman (SA), who said that O'Neal does not rebound as well as he should for his size: "Me responding to Rodman is like talking to a Bugs Bunny doll. I don't like to talk to Looney Tunes."

Charles Barkley after Phoenix won 108-107 in Philadelphia Friday night after taking advantage of some lucky breaks: "Okay everybody, we're going to Atlantic City. I'm giving everybody $10,000."

And a non-NBA funny: The Ottawa Rough Riders drafted a dead defensive lineman in the Canadian Football League dispersal draft. The headline in the local paper read: "Rough Riders Draft a Real Stiff".

Scott Williams (then Chi) took the prize with weirdest injuries last season with a bowling injury, injury due to lifting a TV, and injury while stretching. Charles Barkley (Pho) is this year's winner. Barkley burned the first layer of his corneas when he rubbed his eyes because of the bright stage lights at an Eric Clapton concert. A chemical reaction occurred due to the body lotion Barkley had been using. The eyes are just irritated - no permanent damage. He will miss Phoenix's first game due to his eyes and his strained stomach muscle. He is listed as game-to-game.

The rain man came to San Antonio, but not in the form of Shawn Kemp. An indoor fireworks display during the player introductionsset off the Alamodome sprinkler system, including a large water cannon. Fans, players, and coaches were drenched by the indoor shower that lasted for about 4 minutes and distributed 12,000 gallons of water. The game was not a washout, but was delayed for 50 minutes.

A Nike ad showing in Japan has an American going up to some Japanese boys who were shooting around and teaches them how to trash talk. CNN correspondent Bill Dorman: "Roughly translated, (it means), "Your mother's belly button sticks out."

Some of the better 3-point shooters have been complaining about the shortened 3-point line. I've heard comments from Danny Ainge and Reggie Miller. Now add Dale Ellis (Den): "Next thing you know, they'll move the free-throw line in a couple feet and give you four shots to make two."

Dallas coach Dick Motta has picked up a couple of technicals for his reactions to the inconsistent foul calling in pre-season. When asked what he said to get a T in Wednesday night's game, Motta said, "Nothing. I only say the proper things, and that bothers them (the refs)." On Thursday night, he picked up another T for encouraging the fans who were booing all the calls (whether the foul was against Dallas or Indiana). Motta, who has been out of the league for 3 years: "He (ref Billy Oakes) came up and said, 'You know, technicals aren't $25 anymore'."

11/20 Dick Motta on 7'6" Shawn Bradley: "He's tall, really tall." Anything else? "He's tall, really tall. Good athlete. He's tall."

Rolando Blackman on the Greek he needs to learn for his stay with Aek team of the Greek Basketball League: "The first phrase I want to learn is 'Give me the ball.' The second is 'Get out of the way.' The rest will take care of itself."

12/25 Motta: "We were at Golden State in 1980, my first year here. They had a halftime act with a huge Bengal tiger and a monkey. The monkey would shoot basketballs and the tiger would go retrieve them. I watched the act for awhile and then I asked the trainer if she would do me a favor and let me borrow her tiger. I said, 'Is it a nice tiger?' and she said it was. I said, 'Will it bite me?' and she said no. I had her knock on the door when her act was over. We were still in the dressing room at halftime. She knocked on the door, and I reached out and got that tiger by its leash and collar and walked it in. The players all scattered. I said, 'If you guys don't start rebounding, I'm going to let this tiger

eat.' At the time, the players didn't think it was funny. They didn't laugh. But it _was_ funny. It was great."

1/18 Dick Motta, before the game, on how the Mavs were going to contain O'Neal: "I don't know." (He then expanded on it a little bit, but the first part and pause was funny.)

Reebok sent the wrong shoes to Scott Brooks. Brooks: "I tried them on and said, 'Wait a minute. Either I've grown and I'm 6 foot 3 or these are women's shoes.' I don't know. Maybe they think I play like a girl."


1993-94

10/31 Scott Williams' bizarre injuries: missed 4 days of practice after hurting his shoulder during the team's annual bowling outing; a few days later, hurt his back lifting a TV he bought on sale; and hurt the tendon behind his right kneecap while stretching last Friday and could be lost for the season.

From the You've Got to Be Kidding department: Talking about rookie contracts, "There was one clause put in this year called a comprehensive guarantee," said Bob Bass, Spurs exec. "In case of suicide, the team still has to pay the contract."

1/9 The Lakers did give Kurt Rambis his $250,000 bonus after being re-signed by the Lakers. [Recall that Rambis was released by the Lakers the day before he was going to get a $250,000 bonus for still being on the roster.] Rambis: "I feel like I'm Jason from Friday the 13th movies. They keep telling me I'm dead."

1/16 San Antonio coach John Lucas walked up to redhead Dennis Rodman during a practice and gave him a $100 bill. Lucas: "Here, go get your hair bleached. You aren't worth a damn as a redhead." Rodman's hair is now either a dark purple or a dark blue.

1/23 Coach John Lucas (SA) again on Dennis Rodman (SA): "Dennis ain't as crazy as he seems. I would leave my kids with him."

1/23 Bobby Hurley after attending a Kings game: "I think that's been the hardest thing of all, not being able to compete in anything after doing it all my life. I'm down to trying to beat my girlfriend in Gensis (video games)."

1/23 Tom Tolbert (LAC) on the team playing at the Forum due to structural damage to the Clippers' regular home court: "Let's play at the Inglewood YMCA or someplace where we can have a sellout."

1/23 During a loss to the Clippers, Boston coach Chris Ford looked down his bench and shouted, "Will one of you guys please wake up and play? Just one of you."

1/27 Charles Barkley (Pho): "I was the top vote-getter for the All-Star Game, and I want to thank all the fans for that. I should have gotten traded sooner. Then, you get those votes from two different states."

1/31 Former Dal coach Dick Motta, who is now advising current Dal coach Quinn Buckner, when asked if he felt awkward around Dal's management in light of his criticisms of them earlier in January: "Hell, no. I don't think I was like Columbus and discovered something new, did I?"

2/6 Scottie Pippen (Chi) on his new bald look: "I stayed in the barber chair too long." [Pippen is letting his hair grow back out.]

2/6 The latest fad for Dallas is emu oil. Trainer Doug Atkinson has been importing the rubbing ointment from Australia at $30 a bottle. Fat Lever uses it and has been playing very well for the past two weeks. During a free throw break in Wednesday's game in Minnesota, Tony Campbell came to the bench and begged Atkinson to rub some emu oil on his leg. The oil's use has become so wide spread on the team that it has become a running gag. Tim Legler said Greg Dreiling has become obsessed with the oil. Legler: "He's been dunking in layup lines. That's when some of the veterans got into it. They said, 'If that guy is dunking, it must be a miracle drug."

2/18 What public statement cost Ron Harper $48,780? "I'm just doing my jail time. In about 65 or 70 more days, my time is up, and I'll be out on G.B., good behavior." The Clippers suspended Harper for one game for the statement. Harper becomes an unrestricted free agent at the end of the season.

2/20 Danny Schayes (Mil) when asked how he was doing: "I don't get to play. The team stinks. My wife lives in Denver, and it's been 20-below most of the winter."

3/6 Bob Weiss, Clipper coach, after the loss to Houston: "Except for offense, defense, rebounding, and turnovers, we had a good game."

3/20 Scott Skiles (Orl) after a loss to Chicago in which Shaquille O'Neal and Anfernee Hardaway combined for 14 turnovers: "We can't handle the pressure. We haven't handled the pressure all season. We want to win big games, but we don't play well. We're soft. We play like we have skirts on."

3/20 Dan Majerle (Pho) on the Indiana Pacers' poor free throw shooting and their second chance shots (they went 32-48 FT and had 27 second chance points in the Pho-Ind game) : "They shoot them so bad, sometimes you can't tell where they're going."

2/27 Dan Issell, Denver head coach, when asked if a victory over the Bulls in Chicago meant the Nuggets had turned the corner: "We've turned more corners this season than a New York cab driver."

3/27 Sean Elliott (Det) on coach Don Chaney who just turned 48: "I don't know how old he is, but after what we've put him through this season, he's lucky he doesn't look 70."

3/27 Glen Rice (Mia) on playing in Denver: "It feels like you've got someone sitting on your chest. I can't breathe. I can't stand it when you get into a run-and-gun game there. You go up and down the court twice and say, 'Whoa, slow down.'"

3/27 Coach Larry Brown (Ind) after a 93-61 loss to Cleveland: "At least we held them under 100."

3/27 Horace Grant (Chi) on Madonna's comments that she wants to own a NBA team: "I know one thing. Wives and girlfriends would be saying, 'No way are you going to that team.'"

3/30 After the 117-92 trouncing by the San Antonio Spurs, a lot of criticism was directed at Dallas, including some from the players themselves. Tim Legler: "We couldn't beat ... <pause> us. We couldn't even beat us. I was trying to think of somebody bad, and I couldn't think of anybody else. Us."

4/1 Chicago coach Phil Jackson when asked if B.J. Armstrong had a beef with how he is used: "B.J. does not eat beef. B.J. is a vegetarian, so I don't think he has any beef at all."

4/1 Philadelphia coach Fred Carter, whose team has lost 23 of its last 24: "I wouldn't know how to feel if we won. I'd probably say, is it over? Check the scorebook. I'd probably just stare at the scoreboard and feel the euphoria."

4/10 John Salley (Mia): "I like pressure. Pressure is what creates diamonds."

4/10 Elmore Spencer (LAC) forgot to set his clock ahead for Daylight Savings Time and arrived moments before the game against Houston. Loy Vaught started in his place.

4/17 Portland coach Rick Adelman on Portland's lost to Dallas: "At least we won't have to play them (Dallas) in the playoffs. That's a good sign."

4/17 Sacramento coach Garry St. Jean's job is apparently safe. Team owner Jim Thomas said, "He's got the contract, and I don't like to waste money."

5/1 John Salley (Mia) on the playoffs: "When the playoffs come, I don't worry if my hair is not combed, if my breath is bad, if I haven't flossed."

5/29 (While the Hou-Uta series was still going on) Jeff Hornacek when asked why he and his wife planned to have a child during the playoffs: "Hey, I was with the Sixers."

Dominique Wilkins is being razzed by his fellow Dream Team IIers. They have given him the nicknames of Grandpa and Antique.

"I'm just glad it wasn't Detroit. I don't like anybody there." - J.R. Reid after being traded to San Antonio.

"Every night, when you lay your head on your pillow, you say, 'Wow, I'm one of 300.' Of course, 50 of us (are) real bad." - Scott Hastings on being in the NBA.

"Shut up, you little Smurf." - Gary Payton running by excited T'Wolves coach Sidney Lowe.

"When I die my tombstone will say, 'He was underrated. Now he's underground.'" - Terry Porter on his career.

"I think we'll go big." - Don Nelson on the conditional pick in 2001 the Warriors got for Ed Nealy.

"If we stay free of injuries, we'll be in contention to be a healthy team." - Chris Morris on his hopes for the Nets.

"What are they going to do, beat us worse?" - Doug Moe after calling the Bulls and Jordan a bunch of stiffs.

"Moses Malone used to have them all the time, but we never understood anything he said." - Jon Koncak after the Hawks had a team meeting and won 12 of 13.

"He would drive people insane and then just walk away. He was like Gandhi." - Chuck Daly on Bill Laimbeer.



And a couple pulled from the 1995 book Basketball Shorts by Glenn Liebman (has 1001 basketball quotes, including some good ones from college)

Jerry Reynolds: "If God had an agent, the world wouldn't be built yet. It'd only be about Thursday."

Terry Francona, Jordan's minor league baseball manager on giving Jordan his daily meal money: "There's something odd about going up to Michael Jordan and slipping him $16 a day."

Charles Barkley on being misquoted in his autobiography: "That was my fault. I should have read it before it came out."

Bob Weiss on Atlanta's '92 prospects: "We're going to be exciting. Of course, it was exciting when the Titanic went down."

Scott Hastings on the expansion team in Miami: "I'm scared. I think I'm the best player here."

Derrick Coleman on why he wouldn't go hunting with then teammate Jayson Williams: "I'm not going hunting with anyone who plays the same position as me."

Eddie Johnson: "It's nice just to play against [Jordan]. Sometimes you get your picture in the paper."

Jerry Sloan: "In my prime I could have handled Michael Jordan. Of course, he would be only 12 years old."

And a college one that I loved Ron Shumate (Southeastern Missouri coach) on his team's poor shooting: "It's so bad that the players are giving each other high fives when they hit the rim."

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

last update: 12/09/2008